In Search of Home...

"the dark things i scribble"

Looking for peace in the chaos...

Listen up Allah, I trust u...

Hoping this will pass too...

I know I need to be strong.. help me when my shoulders fall weak.. 

help me because I'm down tonight.. 

I'm helpless tonight..

I know I make my ways to those who cause me pain..

help me to be wiser..

I'd rather get hurt than inflicting it..

I could let it go.. but you know all ..

My muscles every inch tears up n hurts reach their peak as the past wounds open sore..

Where is the calm?

All I get is pain

I don't know right now how to get there, how to reach it.

Which bus do I take, which train do I catch?

I try to fly the plane everyday to take me to that place..

but can't seem to get rid of the feeling...
I carry it everywhere I go

trying to make sense of it all

I can't get through to you

What you ask of me tell me...

Help me to be fearless from the shadows I leave behind..

Still searching for that place called home.. 

"Lost" is my new home..

tears have dried.. I try to move on..

Do not stop me from expressing tonight..

Sorry for my words, Love much now and I learned to forgive...

but I'm still not all the way because I'm frozen

My own they pretend to hold me but break me..

Still looking for that inner peace I lost quite a while back in the noise...

Can't hear my own screams no more...

Only watch myself helplessly disappear... 

Watch my spirit... 
My inner fire diminish...
I'm losing myself to the dark, to the noise, to the chaos... 

Save me Allah, save me I might wash away in the flood

I don't want to be that strong

Oh angels of mine... bring me, take me, port me home.

I feel like air...

There is no love...

I've changed myself, I've transformed.

This day is the longest day.
I might need a side to lay on tonight or someone to follow me in the deep...
All the liberty they take, love that they abuse
I feel nothing when I cry.
I hear nothing, No... I see no need to reply..
Come here so you can see me walk away tonight.

Stains of Blood

The night of the suicide puts on her Dark lipstick..
She looks so beautiful tonight..

She sleeps like a baby..
Tonight she is awake sitting on the roof of the world.. near the gods

Stars on the tiles of her floor

the shining broken handle of the car door clings to her tangled black shawl

This is a never ending, ever lasting, forever mourning memory of you

As I see the old lighthouse that glowed on your face
I couldn't keep in touch with reality as we stared into space

The dry dead leaves where we used to smoke weed
As long as we were together, there's nothing we would need

The red bricks of the house we drove past by
Pointing airplanes in the sky
The keys to the door of heaven we always knew you had,
Now as I turn away.. The heart sinks low and I feel sad
The bathroom drenched from the mess we made
I stare at those pictures as they start to fade

Strange they found your car exactly where we used to be 

It's been such hell for all of us... the last day leaving

Take all these Things they mean nothing if you're not here
Funny how you always make way to those who caused you pain...

the broken

the lost

the unfamiliar

the ones who cant be taught

ones who can never be understood

ones who cannot explain

oh... why do you bring me love.. 
when all I give you back is pain...

you could smile all day
and see no need to reply..

I remember who you were
I see you in a cloud.. search for you in a crowd everywhere.
I know somewhere you can see..
You belong with me and you go on with me.